Hiatus
Posted on January 7, 2008
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We have another project we’re working on, so we’re taking a break for an undetermined about of time.
Thank you for reading!
Spoilers: Main Character Jin To Die On ‘Lost’ In Sudden DUI-Related ‘Accident’
Posted on December 27, 2007
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HONOLULU — Inside sources have revealed to The Media Lampoon that when popular show “Lost” returns in January, main character Jin will be among the first to die during the new season.
Jin, who will die as part of what is called by fans “The DUI Curse,” will be torn apart by robot bees, one of the new hazards on the show’s mysterious island.
Show creator J.J. Abrams reacted strongly when questioned about the revelation by The Media Lampoon.
“Jin’s death, if he is to die, and I won’t confirm that he is, has absolutely nothing do with actor Daniel Dae Kim’s being charged on suspicion of DUI on Oct. 25 of this year,” Abrams said.
“The fact that every character whose actor is charged with DUI dies on the show is a complete coincidence,” Abrams said. “If anyone is to die to these robot bees, it will be because we have always planned that the bees would suddenly go crazy and kill one of the characters,” he said.
“It was the same with the mysterious smoke monster and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, and Michelle Rodriguez being shot, and so on,” Abrams said. “Coincidence.”
Shock! Drudge Has Poll That Contradicts Other Polls
Posted on December 26, 2007
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MIAMI BEACH, Fla. – Internet users were Shocked! on Wednesday when Matt Drudge announced a Shock! new election poll that contradicted previous election polls.
“Shock!” Drudge told The Media Lampoon on Wednesday.
“Other polls have said certain candidates were going to win, but Shock! this poll says that different candidates are going to win,” Drudge said.
Drudge told The Media Lampoon that Shock! opinions about other matters were different when measured by one pollster than when measured by another. For example, opinions about films.
“Shock! People kind of like that ‘I Am Legend’ movie,” Drudge said.
“I didn’t think that people were going to like it as much as they do,” he added.
“This reminds me of the time that Shock! ‘King Kong’ was expected to be the biggest movie ever, and then Shock! it only did pretty good instead of doing as well as I Shock! said it would,” Drudge said.
Introducing The ‘Blade Runner’ 148-Disc Final Director’s Supercut Edition
Posted on December 23, 2007
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The “Blade Runner” 148-disc Final Director’s Supercut Edition comes in a special carrying truck and is available at retail for $27,999.
Actors: Harrison Ford, Sean Young, Rutger Hauer
Directors: Ridley Scott
Run Time: 20,128 minutes
Product Details: Includes 83 versions of the film, with rare Ridley Scott snuck-out-of-studio bootleg; six versions of never-before-seen deleted credits; special carrying truck; four vehicles used only in the unreleased workprint version; Off-World Colonies advertising blimp; commentaries by director Ridley Scott, screenwriters Hampton Fancher and David Peoples and fan club president Tina Gaffney; live script reading by William Sanderson; 486 pounds of actual master tapes of Harrison Ford reading hated voiceover narrative; Edward James Olmos; and much more.
Retail: $27,999
Critics Rave Over ‘A Piece Of Crap’
Posted on December 19, 2007
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‘”A Piece of Crap” is as much a cinematic experience as a movie, a deconstruction of our ideas of objectivity, subjectivity and the way we relate to screen characters.”
– Sean Axmaker, Seattle Post-Intelligencer
“The most authentic thing about ‘A Piece of Crap’ is the rage with which it was made.”
– J. Hoberman, Village Voice
“I don’t know when this director has ever been accused of being sincere, but ‘A Piece of Crap’ feels to me as close as he’s ever come.”
– Jim Emerson, rogerebert.com
“‘A Piece of Crap’ is an antidote to apathy.”
– Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
“‘A Piece of Crap’ deserves to be commended just for being made.”
– Dennis Schwartz, Ozus’ World Movie Reviews
“‘A Piece of Crap’ is watchable enough thanks to decent direction and strong performances.”
– Matthew Turner, ViewLondon
‘”A Piece of Crap’ marks this director’s seventh film, and it’s certainly not his best. But I’ll say this for it — it’s his bravest.”
– Amy Biancolli, Houston Chronicle
“‘A Piece of Crap’ couldn’t be more unlikely, more unfashionable — and more compelling.”
– Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times
“‘A Piece of Crap’ is serious grown-up entertainment with a sense of history and a sense of style, the kind of picture almost no one knows how to — or, perhaps more accurately, can find the means to — make anymore.”
– Stephanie Zacherek, salon.com
“‘A Piece of Crap’ has a lot of big, important things to say about big, important things, and it says them with a sense of urgency.”
– Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly
Sean Penn Meets With Distinguished World Leader, Says We Will Achieve Peace
Posted on December 18, 2007
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Newsweek Cover - Mike Huckabee
Posted on December 16, 2007
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Planners Approve Request
Posted on December 12, 2007
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ORLANDO, Fla. – Orlando planners approved a request Wednesday for a comprehensive plan amendment calling for a combination rezoning and density reallocation in a local special enterprise zone.
Developers hailed the approval, saying that it would support a special development initiative designed as part of an overall redistricting package of local building incentives and growth-oriented neighborhood renewal.
“I hail the approval,” said one developer.
Historical planning consultants told planners that the plan would be consistent with the city’s historical preservation plan, which is designed to preserve the city’s historical features by having consultants consult with planners prior to the approval of plans impacting the city’s special historical overlay district.
Local environmental protest groups criticized the approval, however, saying that the special enterprise zone density reallocation and rezoning comprehensive plan amendment would jeopardize the area’s environment.
“I criticize this approval. It will jeopardize the area’s environment,” said one local environmental protest group member.
In related news, city council members mulled further action after tabling a measure introduced to delay a closure vote on the cessation of unfinished business.
“Oh, you work for a newspaper, that’s so awesome,” council spokeswoman Tina Gaffney told reporters.
Editor’s note — This item ran previously on our sister site, The Magic Lampoon, in slightly altered form.
When I Was A Kid
Posted on December 10, 2007
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By Maureen Dowd
When I was a kid, we used to drive on the Beltway past the big Mormon temple outside Washington. The spires rose up like a white Oz, and some wag had spray-painted the message on a bridge beneath: “Surrender Dorothy!”
It did seem like an alien world, an impression that was enhanced when we took a tour of the temple and saw all the women wearing white outfits and light pink lipstick.
This temple wasn’t dedicated until 1974. I was born in 1952. However, I was still able to drive by it when I was kid.
That’s because I had a f___ing time machine.
When I was a kid, Stephen King published his first novel, “Carrie.” This was a pretty terrifying novel for a little girl.
Although “Carrie” was published in 1974, I remember reading it one warn summer in 1962, when I was just 10 years old. Probably too young to read a novel like that, I know.
But I was already pretty grown-up at that age, because of the f___ing time machine.
The f___ing time machine changed everything for me. Instead of experiencing Nixon’s fateful resignation at age 22, the age destiny would otherwise have chosen, I bore witness to this dramatic event at age 7 — when I was a kid. It altered my life.
When I was a kid, I saw the Rumble in the Jungle at age 13, Hank Aaron’s 715th home run at age 15, and the kidnapping of Patricia Hearst at just 5 years old.
If I had been an adult, these events might have had a completely different meaning for me. But because of the f___ing time machine, I saw these things when I was a kid.
I remember the terrifying impact that Mormonism had on me, driving by that temple in 1974. Those white outfits were like smothering pillows of conservatism.
Where were you in 1974? Do you remember?
I do. I was just 3 years old, sitting with my father.
In our f___ing time machine.
Maureen Dowd is a columnist for The New York Times.
Cartoon Network Unwisely Suggests That ‘Goosebumps’ Will ‘Scare Pants Off’ Of Target Audience
Posted on December 9, 2007
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ATLANTA — The Cartoon Network unwisely suggests in its television commercials for the children’s show “Goosebumps” that the show will “scare the pants off” of its target audience.
Cartoon Network spokeswoman Tina Gaffney said that the network does not actually intend for any children’s pants to be removed.
“At the Cartoon Network, we want children to wear pants,” Gaffney told reporters Sunday.
“I cannot stress enough that we are strongly, strongly in favor of children being allowed to maintain the integrity of their clothes,” Gaffney said. “I mean, really strongly,” she added.
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